omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
