hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
