If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
