You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
