i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
