You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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