but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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