Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
