Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
