As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
