It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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