Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
