so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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