don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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