I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
