he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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