in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
