I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
