GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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