Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
