I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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