just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
