I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
