If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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