Well douche your snatch and let's go!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
