I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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