If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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