smell my finger.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
