woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
