A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
