we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
