I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
