But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
