I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
