whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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