Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
