so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
