I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
