he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want her autograph on my taint
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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