He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
