To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
