You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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