none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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