She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
