pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
