All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
