Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Houston, we have a blender
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
