I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
