my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
