Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
