dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
