Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
