She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
